Before
by kickslikeapony
Summary: When the affair between Julia and Michael comes to light, the Houstons' lives are thrown into upheaval. Based on scenes in Hell on Earth, in Frank's and Julia's POV. Leo's and Michael's POVs coming soon.
1. Frank

**A/N: Thanks so much to those who reviewed my previous story! :) This new one is a one-shot that describes my interpretation of Frank's thoughts and emotions in Hell on Earth (1x09). All dialogue is the same as what's in the episode. I wrote this because apparently lots of people are not sympathetic to Frank at all, so this is my attempt to show the conflicting feelings that he probably felt throughout the hellish revelation.**

Chewing on his breakfast, Frank got upstairs to their bedroom, to get the adoption papers. It was right where Julia had said it was. He flipped through them, checking to see if everything was in order. But the papers left on the nightstand caught his eye. Distracted, he put down the adoption papers, and took the others.

Sheet music. For the musical that Julia was working on with Tom? But the words didn't seem to fit Marilyn. Especially… Brooklyn Bridge?

If it wasn't for the musical, then there could only be one explanation. Julia's outlet had always been songwriting. If there was something she couldn't say, she would put it into song.

What was she trying to say, then?

* * *

><p>He had been thinking about that song, still gripping the papers in his hand. It was obviously not for Marilyn; that was clear enough. From the lyrics that Julia had penned, there was only one interpretation. And he didn't like it.<p>

Frank sat down at their piano, and started to play from the scores, their family portrait mocking him from atop the instrument.

_Tonight my thoughts were all of you  
>But no one else could know<em>

"Hi! I'm home! So sorry I'm late. Tom and I got stuck in this title idea. I hate titles." Julia was back. Perfect. Time to find out the truth.

_Your melody kept coming through_

"Either they just… come. Or you're stuck…" Julia's voice trailed off, as she saw Frank at the piano.

_I know I had to go_

"For months, or… years."

_And so I lied_

"And no one's happy."

_To the one I loved  
>To find you in the dark<br>And share the bliss  
>Of one more kiss<br>Up on the Brooklyn Bridge_

"What… where did you find that?"

"By your side of the bed." Frank turned around, seeing Julia nod fervently. "Here, you sing it."

"Oh, it's a misfire," she hedged.

"I think it's pretty good, here, why don't you sing it?"

"I'm really tired."

"Julia? Wait. Marilyn Monroe on the Brooklyn Bridge – you wanna tell me what's going on?" Frank stood up, following her.

"Nothing."

"You liar."

Julia whipped up, facing him. The skin below her left eye glistened with wetness, like a few tears had escaped down her cheek. It was, really, what confirmed his suspicions – that something was going on. Or at least, had gone on.

"Where's Leo?"

"He's not here. I found that thing. And I knew. I knew."

"You don't know."

"I knew enough to get the kid out of the house, so I could find out. Find out what the hell is going on."

"Nothing's going on."

Five seconds of silence, punctuated only by Julia's almost convulsive breathing. Frank tilted his head questioningly.

"It's over," she finally said. An admission that something had, in fact, taken place. He had known, since morning, but it was still hard to stomach. "Is it?"

"Yes," she nodded, seemingly trying to compose herself, before uttering another stronger "yes".

"It was Michael, wasn't it?" Their gazes held, but neither spoke.

Which meant that it _was_ Michael. If it wasn't, she would have immediately denied it. But she didn't even bother to. Frank's heart sank in defeat, as he looked away.

"I thought, when I saw you two. At the workshop. Then I thought, God, no, she wouldn't. She wouldn't. That's just not…" he shook his head, which was in actuality what he had done when the thought had first surfaced. "Even… possible. That's what I thought."

"It wasn't anything–"

"Julia, please, don't. I don't wanna hear all these stupid things that people say at moments like this. It was something? It was total betrayal! Of me, and Leo, and… and…" His voice failed him. Putting this into words, saying it aloud, just made it more and more real. Their marriage failing wasn't even something he had ever considered. This was just… a nightmare.

But he had to continue. He still didn't know to what extent Julia and Michael's affair had gone to. But he had an idea. Her silence was a big clue in itself.

"Eighteen years of marriage. It was a betrayal of everything. Do not tell me it wasn't anything!" Frank had already gotten to the point of yelling. "That is just, that is, that's disgusting that you would say that. That's disgusting."

"I'm sorry," Julia cried, her voice choked with tears. His wife. She was still his wife, but it felt so different now. The disconnect. He couldn't understand her. Why she could… How she could have done something like that.

"I mean it, I am so, so sorry…"

"Sorry is so… sorry is not good enough."

"Frank, I don't know what else to say. I didn't want it to happen. It was an accident it happened."

His eyes widened. "An accident?" She was still making excuses at this point?

"Oh please, I don't know how to talk about this."

"Neither do I."

"Okay, okay," Julia placed her hands on his chest, but he shrugged her off. He heard her gasp. "Oh, okay! Okay!"

Frank was beyond speaking now. He had lost the ability to string words into coherent sentences. It was a complicated mixture of emotions. Of anger, and hurt, and disappointment, and confusion… A solution of emotions, dissolved into one another.

_A solution. As if there's going to be any solution to this._ He thought, taking his coat and slamming the door after him.

* * *

><p>Frank was waiting for Michael. They were friends, and he had a vague idea of Michael's schedule. But their friendship would pretty much be terminated by the end of this conversation.<p>

The door squeaked open, and upon spotting his target, he quickly called out, "Michael! Hey!"

Michael turned, motioning for his friends to leave first. All the better. This was going to have to be a one-on-one. This man, who had ruined his family, was now right in front of him, and wasn't even looking at him.

Frank made a big show of looking over his shoulder, then saying, "No, Julia's not here. She's at home, with Leo."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

Frank knew that Michael now knew he knew. He was an actor, but he couldn't quite act his way out of this.

"Well, uh, it's great seeing you." He tried to walk past, but Frank grabbed him by the shoulders. Oh no, he wasn't quite done yet.

"Hold on." "Frank–"

"Hang on. I just wanna talk. Just wanna talk." Frank held up his hands, as if surrendering. Which was the furthest thing from his mind.

Michael was obviously uncomfortable. Funny, he hadn't seemed uncomfortable when the affair was still a secret. "Go home, Frank."

"That's actually, yeah. That's not so easy to do anymore, is it?"

"It is. Go home. Julia's waiting for you."

"You're not allowed to tell me about my wife and what she's doing."

"I'm not."

"You came into my house, you had dinner with my wife and my son, and then you slept with my wife." Frank sounded surprisingly calm, but he was withholding the urge to punch Michael.

"Okay," Michael interjected.

"You came into my house," the fury was seeping into Frank's voice now, "into eighteen years of marriage."

"This is not the time or place."

"And you took everything from me. You took everything."

"Frank, listen to me. It was over a long time ago. It should have never started up again and that's on me. But don't make this more than it is."

It was confusion at first. Then the realisation of what Michael's words meant hit him. Hard.

_It was over a long time ago. It should have never started up again._

_Again._ That was the keyword, wasn't it? "Again" meant it was worse than Frank had thought. "Again" meant that this wasn't just a one-off mistake. "Again" meant that if Julia and Michael could relapse this time, then it could happen again.

It meant that this… this cheating was a pattern that they could both fall back into.

How could he have not discovered it before?

"It was over a long time ago." Michael's voice brought him back into reality, his repetition reinforcing what Frank was thinking. He took a step back, as Michael's brows furrowed. This revelation was a verbal punch to him, and he couldn't take it anymore.

"A long time ago?" An actual punch landed on Michael as he fell to the ground, and it was only then that Frank realised it was he who had thrown the punch. He turned slowly, walking away, defeated. Michael was the one on the receiving end of the punch, but Frank was the real loser. His family was the real loser.

On his way home, a loud sigh escaped from his lips. He was doing exactly what Michael had said. _Go home, Frank._ But he was going home, to leave home.

* * *

><p>He had spoken to Leo, who had apparently known about the affair. Not the before part, though, Frank was certain, even though he hadn't mentioned it. Leo had asked how this had come to light, to which he answered, "Your mom told me."<p>

It was true, to some extent. He had discovered it, but through her writing. He had asked, and she hadn't said it explicitly, but he had known as much. Not the exact details of what had conspired, but enough to ascertain that there had been something illicit going on between her and Michael.

Frank dragged his bags down the stairs, as Julia's voice floated in from the balcony, getting louder as she walked into the room.

"Frank, no. No, come on, come on, don't. We're still a family. Okay, I made a terrible, terrible mistake, but that doesn't mean that… Frank! Hold on a second! For heaven's sake!" Julia ran in front of him, blocking his way. "Just stop it! We have to talk about this!"

He put his bags down. He was agitated, from Michael's revelation. She should have known better. But in their years of marriage, how many quarrels have they had? "Okay, let's talk. Tell me the whole story. Tell me about when it started. Tell me how long it went on."

"I…"

"Tell me about before!"

"Before?"

"Yeah, before! About how it happened. Before." He waited for an answer, as Julia's eyes flicked from his face to somewhere behind him, and back.

"Leo, your father and I need some priva–"

"No! You don't get to decide how this goes! Whatever you thought, before, was wrong. You thought that this would be okay. You thought that cheating is nothing. You thought 'he'll never find out', you thought 'he'll forgive me'. You thought 'it doesn't mean anything'!"

"Please don't tell me what I think. And please, please, please don't go. We need, we need…"

"Don't go, dad. Please."

Frank turned at the sound of Leo's voice. It hurt him that his son had to see them quarrel. Even Julia – she was crestfallen; he could see that. And while whatever was happening now was the direct result of her actions, it still hurt him to see her cry and plead. Why had she done that with Michael?

He still loved her. He still loved this family. But he couldn't continue living together, sharing a bed, cooking for her. Not with this hanging like a dark cloud above them. Like a nasty smell permeating their household.

He lugged his bags out in silence, Leo's final plea ringing in his head as he stepped out of the door. "Don't go!"


	2. Julia

**A/N: Hello! Your lovely reviews have made me write another chapter from Julia's POV, and since we've already started I thought I might as well get this done in Leo's and Michael's voices as well. I'll post them when I finish writing them! Thanks so much again. I love to read your reviews, and you guys have just been so kind :)**

She was still reeling from what had happened in the morning. Julia stood at the balcony, looking into the dark sky. It was just dark. A piece of blank nothingness. No moon. Not a single star. Frank's words echoed in her head, swimming around and blending into each other. It had become a mess of a melody, haunting her thoughts.

_You liar._

_It was Michael, wasn't it?_

_Total betrayal!_

_That's disgusting._

Disgusting. That was her. That was what her actions were. She had to have expected some sort of confrontation to happen eventually. Frank knew her too well. It was by some sort of odd chance that he didn't notice her affair with Michael all those years ago. The fact that he was still teaching then probably had something to do with it.

But the moment she saw him playing that song on their piano, she knew. That he knew. He was the one person who could always read her emotions through the things she wrote. She couldn't remember what had possessed her to leave that on her bedside.

But she didn't know that this was coming. That he would just walk out.

It was a storm of guilt and hurt, and pain and anger. A tornado hurtling through her being. Leaving in its wake a mess that would take forever to clean up.

Her life was now a mess that would take forever to clean up. Frank deserved to know the whole story, she decided. She would tell him. And she would ask him to forgive her. Give her another chance. It had, after all, already stopped. She had stopped it. She knew she was the one who had screwed this up. Succumbed to Michael's beautiful charming voice, and his lovely eyes, and…

"Dad's here."

Julia's eyes widened at the sound of Leo's voice, her thoughts abruptly stopping dead in their tracks. Frank was back? "He's here?"

"I talked to him, Mom. He told me that you told him."

"What did he say?"

"What do you think he said? Why did you tell him? We were fine! I knew, you said it was done, and we were fine." Leo was beyond hurt; he was distraught. Julia could see that, and it pained her to know that she was the cause of this. "It is done, it's over," she asserted, "it'll never happen again."

"Too late, Mom. He's leaving."

"What?" she asked, Leo's words not completely sinking in yet.

"He's packing up, and leaving." Oh shit, this was worse than she had thought. Frank must be really angry. Frightened, and at the same time armed with sudden bravado, she rushed into their living room.

"Frank, no. No, come on, come on, don't. We're still a family." He wasn't even listening to her.

"Okay, I made a terrible, terrible mistake, but that doesn't mean that…" She had to get him to stop walking and listen to her. Running in front of her husband, she raised her voice, "Frank! Hold on a second! For heaven's sake! Just stop it! We have to talk about this!"

He put his bags down, anger and utter disappointment evident in his voice and his eyes, "Okay, let's talk. Tell me the whole story. Tell me about when it started. Tell me how long it went on."

Her bravado suddenly disappeared, along with the resolve that was just there seconds ago. "I…"

"Tell me about before!"

"Before?" Julia repeated, confused. _What?_

"Yeah, before! About how it happened. Before." _He… But I haven't even…_ She was distracted for a second, spotting Leo behind Frank. Oh, God. She wanted to tell Frank, but Leo… Leo couldn't know. Leo would just go into a complete meltdown if he knew.

"Leo, your father and I need some priva–"

"No! You don't get to decide how this goes! Whatever you thought, before, was wrong. You thought that this would be okay. You thought that cheating is nothing. You thought 'he'll never find out', you thought 'he'll forgive me'. You thought 'it doesn't mean anything'!"

"Please don't tell me what I think. And please, please, please don't go. We need, we need…" Julia gestured to her son, words failing her, the truth of what Frank had said breaking her.

"Don't go, dad. Please."

She saw Frank turn, facing Leo instead of her. Their life was falling apart. Mistakes from before, with consequences that were only surfacing now. She loved Frank. She still loved him. And their family. She repeated Leo's words silently, _Don't go, Frank. Please._

But he still left, in cold silence, swiftly and angrily, their son's simple plea lost in the sound of the door swinging shut. Julia stared at the door, still in shock and denial.

* * *

><p>It had been an easy friendship, with a little bit of flirtation, no less. Harmless, she had thought.<p>

She was wrong. She had become increasingly attracted to Michael. The way he sang, the way he spoke, the way he looked at her… It didn't help that he provided an escape from the hell that was Leo's teenage angst and the quarrels they would have at home.

"_Come down for dinner, Leo!"_

"_Just a while more…"_

"_How long more am I supposed to wait? You've been saying that forever!"_

"_Just a while more! Can't you just wait for me to finish this up?"_

"_Let him be, Julia. It's the rebellious phase."_

"_But he has to have dinner! And he hasn't even bathed!"_

"_Oh shut up, Mom!"_

Day after day, it was the same conversation. Not always about the same things, but it always ended the same way. So she had thrown herself into their musical then, _Ready Money_. And Michael was so wonderful in the show.

The attraction grew, and like all forbidden fruit, when the kiss finally happened, it felt good. More than good. It felt right. It fit. Like Michael was supposed to be _the one_. And somewhere deep inside her, she knew that she did love Michael. Sometimes perhaps more than she loved Frank.

Is it possible to love two people at the same time?

Is it possible to think you love someone so much that you can never fit anyone else in your heart anymore, only to have another man come along and prove you wrong?

Does love have an expiry date?

Julia sighed, a long draught of breath released from its prison. "Leo, I'm going out for a walk," she called.

Silence.

She took that as permission.

* * *

><p>It was raining outside. Like the sky was crying for her. For the convoluted mess that she had landed herself in. She would have laughed, if she wasn't feeling like the worst person on earth.<p>

She had called Michael. "I need to talk to you," she had said. They had to resolve this once and for all. If she was going to get her family back, she had to make sure that they both understood that what had transpired could never happen again.

No matter how right it had felt it had been wrong. It was so much worse the second time round. Back then, she was the only one cheating. Now, they were both cheating.

They already had their families, and their responsibilities to return to. This couldn't go on anymore. This would be the last time she would meet…

"Michael!"

"Wh–" he turned away from the door of Westway Diner, looking confused, and walked towards her.

"Thanks for meeting me," she said quietly, not really knowing how to do this.

"Here?"

There were bruises at the side of his mouth, obviously new. Concern pushing away the reason why she was here, she asked, "What happened to your face?"

"You didn't hear?"

She shook her head. _Why would I have heard?_

"Frank threw a punch at me," he replied, matter-of-factly.

_Ah._ "Well he didn't just throw it."

"No."

Julia cleared her throat, gathering her thoughts before saying, "Is your family okay?" When he didn't respond, she started to clarify, "Your wife, is she…"

"No, she, she doesn't know," he replied hurriedly.

"That's good."

"I'm sorry." Oh, he would say that. She knew he would say that. But she wasn't going to dump all the blame on him. It always took two hands to clap.

"Don't apologise to me. It was me. I…"

"No, I shouldn't have… I shouldn't have–"

"I'm serious. Don't apologise," she repeated. Michael just looked at her, hands shoved in his pockets. "What we did, we did together. And it exploded my whole life. Like a bombshell. But I'm not letting anyone say that it's not my fault."

He was shaking his head, and looking away. A world of words and emotions communicated between them, with just the slightest of movements. It was only when he finally nodded, that she turned, to walk away from the love of her life. Forever.

* * *

><p>"I like it."<p>

She didn't respond.

"Did you hear me?"

More silence.

"I really like it!"

Tom sighed, when she continued her vigil at the window. "It's a good title. Bombshell."

"Bombshell," she echoed softly, staring out through the open blinds.

"I like it." She heard Tom's voice in the background, consumed by her thoughts. She hadn't yet told him about what had happened, an odd conviction that if she didn't talk about it, it wouldn't really be real. She was holding on to her last piece of hope, that Frank would come back once they had all calmed down. _One step at a time. I'll get through this. We'll get through this._

_I need to talk to Frank._

_I need my family back._


End file.
